Tomorrow’s Saturday
The lights from houses on an opposing hillside
Twinkle through the polluted city air like fireflies
Gaudy strings of Christmas bulbs
Also try to mimic lightning bugs
But the busy, blaring colors of the former
Can’t hold a candle to the gentle pulsing glow of the latter
The city—a clanging cacophony by day—
Hums an improvised urban lullaby at night
It’s almost midnight, but the neighbors are still awake
In vacation mode after a month of holiday
And besides, tomorrow’s a Saturday
The churning sea of people that daily floods the city streets
Has been channeled into individual homes
Where everyone has a face, a name, and a joke
What contrast these lively dwellings now create
Against the deserted streets where a chilly night breeze blows
Dogs are barking from every rooftop,
Perhaps offended to be excluded from the merrymaking
Perhaps telling some jokes of their own—
It’s hard to say for sure.
As if in response, each nucleus turns up their music some,
Creating another layer of separation between them and the work-a-day outside world
And adding to the general joy of their own little kingdom
The TV is on like always
But like always it is only background noise
Dirty dishes are stacked on the counter with care
In the knowledge that tomorrow soon will be there
It’s 2:30 and only now are people starting to drift off to sleep,
Likely to wake up late
“But who cares,” they think, with a shrug and a grin,
“And next week we’ll surely do it again
“Tonight was worth it,” they sleepily say,
3 comments:
It could be all three of the categories you mentioned;). But some of the most well-known poems were half subconsciously spewed, half inspiration (opium trips...Shelley...I forget who else). So join the club! No, really. I would say it's poetic prose. It's vivid story telling and it's a CONCISE story.
Lines I really like/suggestions:
"The city—a clanging cacophony by day—Hums an improvised urban lullaby at night." Great rhythm!
I might save the last line of stanza 3 for the ending, since you really don't need to repeat it twice and you kind of imply this "tomorrow's saturday" mood in this stanza by saying they just got back from holiday but are still in vacation mood.
"Has been channeled into individual homes where everyone has a face, a name, and a joke." LOVE how you group those three things together, esp. since face and joke are tangible while name is rather abstract.
"Each nucleus turns up their music some,Creating another layer of separation between them and the work-a-day outside world.And adding to the general joy of their own little kingdom." LOVE this! Nucleus. Layers. And "work-a-day outside world." Reminds me of Inception for some reason. The "dream layers" maybe. And THIS scene is quite a pleasant, sleepy one, so...;)
Next to last stanza reminded me of Twas a Night Before Christmas. Not sure you intentionally did that or not, but it made me smile.
Nice ending.
~Whit
P.S. I'm glad Mexico is inspiring you to poetic reflections. Keep it up! I love new places/experiences for that reason. And people for that matter.
Hey Whit! Thank you so much for your comments! They were so helpful! You were probably the person I most wanted to have read this since I LOVE your poetry and am so thrilled that you liked mine! ;-)
Oh, and yes, the part towards the end was supposed to sound like Twas the Night Before Christmas. Not because I thought it should go there, but because it came to mind that way and I decided to leave it. haha.
Again, thanks so much for your comments!
-yours truly
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