Scars and Thankfulness

I had an emergency abdominal surgery this past August and that led me into the hardest time of my life physically, to date.  After a few weeks of unremitting pain and exhaustion following the surgery, I had begun to wonder if I would ever feel normal again.  But, then, about five or six weeks into the recovery progress, I started to really feel much better.  By two months after the surgery, I felt basically normal again.  

It is now three months after the surgery, and all of my usual activities have resumed.  I am able to play Frisbee, drive a car, clean houses, dance, and even do crunches!  Most days it feels surreal to even think that three months ago, I was in debilitating pain and unable to leave the couch for even a couple of minutes.  

But then I see my scars.  

My scars are a reminder to stop and be thankful.  To remember where I had been, and to thank the Lord for His healing in my life.  I know that we often think of scars as painful reminders of difficult experiences that we have faced.  However, I think that it is equally necessary to see the hope in the scars:  they are reminders of difficult times, yes ... but they are difficult times that God brought us through!  

And the most important scars for which I am thankful are those that I never had to suffer.  On the cross, Jesus paid the physical as well as the spiritual penalty for my sin.  His body was beaten instead of mine, and His relationship with the Father was severed, as He received the wrath of God so that I wouldn't have to.  Now He is resurrected and glorified with the Father in Heaven.  However, even now, in His perfect body, He still bears scars that tell of His great obedience to His Father, and His great love for His people.  

Thank you, Lord, for scars! 

1 Corinthians 12:12-31

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.

14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?

18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 28 And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? 31 But earnestly desire the higher gifts.

And I will show you a still more excellent way.

He Carries Me While I Walk

The popular poem “Footprints in the Sand” speaks of how sometimes in life we walk
with God, and other times, He carries us. While I appreciate the sentiment, I would say that in my life, God has carried me every step that I have walked!  My two years in Mexico were anything but the way that I had planned it. In fact, I went to Mexico as a missionary, without even planning to be a missionary! I just saw it as good ministry training for when I returned to the States. 

But God had other plans.

My one-summer commitment turned into a year, which turned into two years. All the while, I was feebly and fearfully trying to follow God. All the while, He was sovereignly leading me. Then came the advice of one of my leaders to return to the States and pursue further Biblical and counseling training which would serve me in future missions work. I had no idea what awaited me, or even whether I would return to the mission field after the end of three years’ schooling. I felt flighty and unsure of what my future would look like, so I just focused on being faithful in the present. And God continued to lead me.

This past May, I graduated from seminary with a Master’s of Theological Studies and an emphasis in Biblical counseling. I plan to be using that degree on the mission field in Mexico City as soon as I can finish fundraising and training for the position. I’m going under long-term status, with no idea what that is going to look like. I tell people that “long-term” just means “no fixed end date. Could be two years. Could be sixty!” Even though there is a huge degree of uncertainty as I stand here on the brink, I also am so excited. It is an incredible feeling to be so close to heading back to a country that I love so much. And I am thrilled to know that the same God who has carried me all of my life will also carry me in these next steps.

Advent: The God Who Waited

As we think about Christmas time and the season of Advent, the words "waiting" and "expectation" often come up.  They are things that we humans aren't very good at doing.  Still, the reflection that has been dominating my thoughts so much during this Advent season, is that we weren't the only ones waiting.  God was waiting, too.

When Jesus was born, He became subject to the limitations of time, for the first time in His timeless existence.  He wasn't born as the Teacher that we see in the Gospels.  He was born as a baby.  He had to "grow in wisdom and stature and favor, with God and man"(Luke 2:52).  This One had the greatest personal destiny of any human ever, and yet, He spent the first 30 years of His life doing mundane things, virtually none of which were even mentioned in any of the Gospels.  He was obedient to His parents, He was perfectly sinless, He was in continual relationship with His heavenly Father.  He ate, He drank, He slept, He worked.  Same thing, day in, and day out.  For thirty years.  

The Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the Ancient of Days.  The Eternal I AM.  

In the mundane:  Jesus spent so much time walking from one place to another, talking with people, touching people, eating.  Who knows what He even did for the thirty years before His ministry started!  It is safe to imagine that He did what any other boy would have done.  He must have participated in the rhythms and ceremonies revolving around the Temple.  He spent 30 years graciously walking and talking with His creatures.  He likely spent time learning Joseph's trade of carpentry.  Setting the table with His mother perhaps?  Mending holes in the roof.  The humdrum daily stuff of life that is anything but glamorous.  Tasks that seemed to suit neither a King nor a Savior.  A Servant, maybe...

In His mission:  It is extraordinary that even when it was time for Him to begin His ministry, Jesus was still acutely aware of the timing and what would be appropriate.  When Mary asked Him to supply the guests with wine at the wedding in Cana (John 2), He told her that the hour had not yet come for Him, but complied and performed His first miracle.  The Author of Time was clearly committed to doing the right thing at the right time.  (Please also see my Walking Circumspectly post, where I address this more extensively).

In His misery:  Even Jesus' suffering and death on the cross is carefully recorded in it's units of time. He wept drops of blood and prayed to His Father on at least three separate occasions, without receiving the relief for which He pled (Matt. 26:39-45).  He was betrayed by Judas at the appointed hour (Matt. 26:45-49).  Each event of that terrible night unfolded with attention to the time.  When Jesus was on the cross, there was darkness in the land from "the sixth hour to the ninth hour. (Matt. 27:45).  We are told of how long it took for the Son of God to be dragged from one place to another, on trial, in mockings and beatings.  Before we see Jesus' final victory in the resurrection, there are even three days of silence as His body lay still in the tomb.  This slow passage of time was all part of the Eternal One's plan.  And it was necessary for God to wait.  

Jesus patiently and actively endured to the end, fulfilling all righteousness, in the span of time that was given to Him.  May we draw tremendous encouragement in knowing that our Savior can sympathize with our struggles to wait patiently.  He has experienced them to a far greater degree than we will ever know!  We have only ever known an existence within time.  Jesus did not.  May that knowledge strengthen our resolve as we wait for things in this life, as well as for Christ's final restoration of all things, Finally, may we allow this meditation to lead us to worship Christ even more!  May we praise our God for His tender compassion of joining us in our waiting!  

Things I Love About Mexico

People always ask me what I love most about Mexico, or what I'll miss most.  So here's a little list for you:

1.  My Mexican family (families!).  As part of Avance, we live with Mexican families.  This is such a priceless gift, I cannot even begin to describe it!  This practice of Avance has the pragmatic effect of allowing participants to learn the language and culture at a much faster rate in an immersion setting.  However, it is so much more than that.  When away from my own dear, precious family, I have lived in homes with adoptive parents and siblings, who have welcomed me in, despite huge cultural and communication obstacles.  They have loved me and accepted me, allowing me to join into their daily lives.  I have spent many an evening talking, praying, laughing, and crying with these families.  My families.  This is undoubtedly the part of Mexico that I will miss the most.  Every time.

2.  My friends.  My friends come from all different areas.  Some are Avance missionaries, short and long term.  Others are friends from Bible studies, English classes, my mentoring group, or church.  Whatever the relationship, these are people who have sharpened me.  People with whom I have eaten tacos into all hours of the night; sharing deep spiritual growth sometimes, merely learning new idioms other times!

3. The food.  Ok, ok, you had to know that this was coming.  But seriously, unless you have been to Mexico City, you cannot even understand the extent of this one.  Food in the DF makes all other food seem like cardboard by comparison.  It's also WAY cheaper, generally.  Sigh.  To prove this to you, I will try to make food for as many takers as I can when I get home.  Then you will begin to get a glimpse.  

Ok, I will try to add more to this list at a future date, when it is not 12:30 AM, but this is just a quick introduction for now.  If your curiosity is piqued by any of these, let me know.  I could really go on for hours, sharing personal anecdotes about each of the loved ones who was on my mind as I was writing this.  I can also cook a lot more Mexican food than ever before after this summer, so you should also try to get in on that action.  :-)

Walking Circumspectly

Lately when I've had free time I've been thinking about, well, time.  Specifically, how can I best use my time.  There is a constant surge of activities vying for my attention.  Events and planning within Avance, spending time with Mexican friends and family, drawing aside to spend time with the Lord, or curling up to unwind with a book or Netflix.  In any given day, my time will be divided among all of these and more.  But how can I find the right balance of all of these?  Should I cut out Facebook altogether (not a bad idea)?  How much time should I ideally spend in quiet with the Lord?  What formula can I use to determine whether my waking hours are better spent reconnecting with my Mexican host family, mentoring a summer participant, or participating in an evangelistic Bible study?

Ephesians 5:15-16 says that we are to "Walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil."

So, there's the command, but what does that practically look like?*  I think that the clearest example of One who really "redeemed the time" was the Man who had the most to accomplish in the shortest amount of time: namely, the salvation of His Bride!  Jesus is a prime example of what balance looks like in a life.  He didn't shun social events to do "holy stuff."  In fact, his first miracle (like many of his other great teachings and works) was in the context of a party (John 2:1-11)!  He sometimes spent whole evenings healing people and casting out demons, with no obvious teaching involved (Mark 1:32-34).  Following a night like that, though, He would slip off and pray (Mark 1:35), and then not yield to insistent crowds that clamored for his further attention (Mark 1:36-38).  Though this would seem an exhausting pace that no other human could attain, Jesus also took time to sleep (Matt. 8:24), followed by both a miracle and teaching (Matt. 8:26).  Other accounts, such as the Sermon on the Mount, in Matthew 5-7, focus exclusively on Jesus' teaching, while the end of each Gospel points to Jesus' atoning death and victorious resurrection.  Throughout his life, death, and resurrection, Jesus also continually fulfilled prophecies.  

In just a whirlwind overview of some samples from the Gospels (which are themselves just a sample of all of Jesus' life!), it is clear that there is not merely one kind of action that constitutes "redeeming the time."  Rather, I believe that "redeeming the time," as seen in the life of Jesus, can be better viewed as a submission to God.  In John 17, Jesus prays to the Father that "the time has come. Glorify your Son that your Son may glorify you" (v. 1), and "I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do" (v. 4).  Later in John, on the cross, Jesus was able to cry out, "It is finished!" (John 19:30).  He intentionally did everything that was in God's will for Him to do.  Though He didn't do everything that others expected of him (become a political ruler, heal everybody, feed each crowd), He did walk circumspectly, redeeming the time, by doing everything that God had put before Him to do.  He fulfilled every prophecy.  He lived a life of full righteousness, which was bestowed on His people.  He fully paid for the sins of His beloved ones.  He completed all that He came to earth to accomplish.

As I strive to put Ephesians 5:15-16 into practice, I know that I must look to the example of my Lord.  I must be sensitive to the Spirit and walk wisely.  

I may need to ignore external voices that push me to work harder and harder, to try to do everything.  "Work harder, do more, sleep less; it all depends on you!" 

I may need to ignore the internal voice that says, "Mañana! Take it easy today, there's always more time.  You just need to rest.  And rest.  And rest..."

I must be sensitive to the voice of wisdom, which says that sometimes I need to draw aside and sometimes I need to knuckle down.  I need to be attentive to the voice of God, which says, "So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God!" (1 Cor. 10:31)  There is no hard-and-fast formula which can measure when a life has too much of one activity or too little of another. Rather, a lifestyle of listening to the voice of God, guided by wisdom, is one that is circumspect.  

  

*(For a great word study and some encouragement, you should totally check out this blog post:  http://www.lifeofasteward.com/redeeming-the-time-a-closer-look/).       

Why Try?

Dear Reader,

If you are here, I already know two things about you:

1. You are probably reading this because you clicked on the link in my update letter, a post on Facebook, or because you subscribe to this blog.  For any of those reasons, I am so thankful that you are a part of my life enough to be on any of those lists.

2. You took the time to actually come to this dusty old thing to see what I have to say!  Again, thank you.

This leads me to the point of my post:  why do I even bother continuing to blog and trying to write update letters?  It is clearly not my passion or my gifting.  It is probably at least as frustrating to each of you as it is difficult for me to maintain.  I get tired of hearing my own voice saying, "I'll try again;" seeing my own fingers type, "this time it will stick."  I groan inwardly as I hear and see those words, knowing that I have said them so many times before.  As I write this, I think, "why am I starting this again?" and "why not just give up?"

One reason that I don't give up is because this is really a great way of communicating.  We live in a time where we can be very interconnected across the world (even if it implies a greater physical distance).  I have dear friends with whom I would not be able to communicate were it not for technology.  I thank God for the ability to remain connected, and I want to strive to make the most of those means, even if it is a struggle for me.

Y'all matter to me!  That's why I keep trying to post.  :-)

Secondly, I try because the act of "trying" matters in and of itself.  It is valuable to keep working at important habits, even if we keep failing.  Does it matter that an alcoholic tries to stop drinking, even if she fails?  Does it matter if a child keeps trying to improve in math, even if it doesn't come naturally to him?  Does it matter that overweight people try to eat healthfully and exercise even if they have bad days once in a while?  Wouldn't it be better for these all people if they just stopped trying?  Obviously it's too hard for them.  It's probably discouraging to keep trying and failing.  They should just admit defeat.  NO!  We would never say that.  Because trying is worth it!  It strengthens our character, shows concern for others, and brings glory to God.

That's why I keep trying.