Gratitude Challenge: Days 11-20

November 11 -- I thank God for the pain of goodbyes, because they make me treasure my loved ones even more!

November 12 -- I thank God for plans that fall through and situations that seem like a disaster ... because God's plans are always better than my plans. Just as He has always been faithful in the past, He will continue to be faithful in the future!

November 13 -- I thank God that His standards of "what is good" don't have to line up with ours. He so often blesses us in ways that we do not understand and may even interpret as a very bad result. Still, "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Rom. 8:28)

November 14 -- I thank God for time spent in public transportation, because, in a sense, it slows down the pace of life. It takes so much longer to get things done, that I feel a sense of peace and rest in knowing that it can’t all be done in a day. This is actually a very nice change, compared to the frantic pace that life can sometimes take in the States.

November 15 -- I thank God when I am stuck behind slow people because it means that I am physically healthy enough to be faster than they are. There was a time when I wasn’t. There was a time when I would look longingly at the senior from my church and envy them as they seemed to bound up the stairs while I was hobbling. There was a time that I would have to sit and rest after walking for 1 minute. Praise God that I can now walk quickly! May I have grace and compassion with others who cannot.

November 16: Faith is not the belief that God will do what you WANT; It is the belief that God will do what is RIGHT! -- Max Lucado

November 17: I thank God that He allows us to make mistakes. While they are embarrassing and sometimes painful, they are also often some of the best lessons that I have learned.

November 18: I thank God for scars. (For more on this, see my post about "Scars and Thankfulness.")

November 19 -- I thank God for my weaknesses, because His strength is made perfect in my weakness. My weakness draws me close to Him, and that is the greatest gift that anyone can have – to see their need of God!

November 20 -- I thank God for my constantly dripping sink because the pitcher under it reminds me to water my plants. My plants are also thankful for this arrangement.

Gratitude Challenge: Days 1-10

This month, I have joined many in doing a "Thanksgiving Challenge."*  However, the theme that I specifically chose was: "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thess. 5:18

Recently, the girls on the team and I have been studying complaining and contentment, and I have been convicted of how often I complain. Therefore, during this Thanksgiving season, I don’t want to stop at merely mentioning the readily apparent gifts for which it is so easy to be grateful (family, friends, the love of God, comforts, etc), but, rather, examine some areas where I could be tempted to complain and then thank God for even those things!


November 1: I thank God that He allows us to forget and heal from painful experiences. The pain is not always as acute, though it may still be there. (Two big things that I am thinking of specifically are physical pain, as from my surgeries a couple of years ago, as well as the emotional pain and fear from the earthquake in Mexico City a month and a half ago.)

November 2: I thank God for circumstances that try my patience, because I know that each one is an opportunity to trust Him and to grow in Christ-likeness!

November 3: I thank God for my tiny house, because it is so easy to clean!

November 4: I thank God when things break, because it reveals where my treasure lies. As when Jonah’s plant wilted and he threw a hissy fit, I see myself doing the same thing, so often. My heart is tied to earthly things, but when they break, it sheds light on my inordinate affections and gives me a chance to look to the things that really matter!

November 5: I thank God that the church is sometimes kinda messy, this side of Heaven. It reminds me that I fit right in, and that you don’t need to be perfect to come to God or be a part of His Bride. It is also, in a sense, a vehicle of sanctification, as the faults and weaknesses of others so often bring out our own faults and weaknesses and give us the perfect opportunity to surrender them to the Lord. I thank God that, working through hard seasons in the church makes the seasons of peace and unity that much sweeter.

November 6: I thank God when people are so different from me that I can barely understand them (...and sometimes they rub me the wrong way). It reminds me that I am not the plumb-line of the universe, and that people aren’t obligated to be like me. It humbles me to realize that their very differences are often what qualify them to do amazing things that I never could. That God’s Body -- and His world, in general -- work best when there is diversity. It is also helpful to remember that diversity doesn't undermine the concept of unity!

November 7: I thank God for how tired our bodies get at night, because it reminds me that, while He is infinite, I am finite. And I am reminded that He keeps the world running even when I sleep.  ;-) And, I love how He gives us rest which renews us.

November 8: I am thankful for people in my life who complain and grumble all the time, because they motivated me to dive into the study and pursuit of thankfulness! (Which was a real reality check to me to admit how BAD at this I really am, myself!)

November 9: I thank God that, even on the days when I am ungrateful, He is still gracious!! I recently heard a quote that went something like: "If your comforts tomorrow depended on your gratitude today, how much would you have left tomorrow?" What a convicting word!

Still, I praise God that my standing in Him depends entirely on Christ’s finished work, not my ability (or inability!!) to live in a manner worthy of the Gospel! Everything that I have is by His grace, not my merit!

November 10: I thank God for circumstances that “make me late” because it is a reminder that, in most cases, I am late because I didn’t plan well, not because fate conspired against me. ;-)  It is a reality check for me that I need to take responsibility for my actions, not blame others who were simply stand-still bystanders. It's also a reminder to check my attitude and see others as human beings with a vast array of life circumstances ... rather than obstacles in my way!

*These posts originally appeared on my Facebook, so if they seem familiar, maybe that is why!  ;-) 

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed a dream

As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,

One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,

especially at the very lowest and saddest times,

there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,

You'd walk with me all the way.

But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,

there was only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you

Never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

God Is Our Refuge and Strength

  

Psalm 46 

God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,

though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam,

though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy habitation of the Most High.

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;

God will help her when morning dawns.

The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;

he utters his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Come, behold the works of the Lord,

how he has brought desolations on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;

he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

he burns the chariots with fire.

“Be still, and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!”

The Lord of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

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One of my friends on the Avance team read this passage to us as we were standing outside of the building where we had the meeting, following the earthquake.  The words of this psalm have certainly taken on new meaning for me since that time!  Though things on earth may fall apart, nations rage, and waters roar and foam, God is in control.  I can be still and rest and know that He is God.  I am free to not fear.  What a blessing!  

Missionary or Hero?

Another lingering question after the earthquake is:  What is the appropriate response for a missionary after a natural disaster like this?  Does Avance abandon standard Avance practice and strike out on our own to go "save the world?"  Many people were rushing around doing things in the days right after the earthquake, but there actually got to be too many piles of food in some places, and so many volunteers that they were jeopardizing the rescue operations.  The military and police crews even had to block people from entering.

There were so many truly heroic first responders who literally removed rubble by hand to aid in the rescue efforts of those trapped under buildings, and I am so truly impressed by how the city immediately mobilized.  Mexico has my heart, my love, my compassion, and my respect!  I think that I am just trying to figure out what my role is in the midst of all of this. 

I have been struggling with people's comments that we should have sent the team into the rubble as soon as the earthquake hit.  My duty was to keep the team safe, though, and honestly, what would they have been able to accomplish anyway?  They are all barely out of college (one barely out of high school!), and may don't even speak enough Spanish to interact with rescue teams anyway.  In addition to breaking faith with their families back home, I'm not sure that they would have even made enough of a difference to justify it!

This is an ongoing question for me moving forward, as I am trying to be faithful to my current role as Avance interim director, but also wondering what more I can be doing to bless this country and aid in rescue efforts.  It's hard to avoid the desire to do grand, noble, visible work, in favor of quiet, behind the scenes, but necessary work.  Please pray for me, and for our team, as we try to find this balance.

Hidden Cracks

In the wake of the central Mexico earthquake of September 19th, 2017, I am on the one hand profoundly grateful for the protection that God has shown me and my loved ones here.  We escaped without a scratch and without even damage to property!

That being said, there were definitely internal effects of the quake, not as visible to the naked eye.  In the days following the earthquake, I was skittish... as one friend put it, she felt like a guinea pig: one moment, eating contentedly; the next, running madly for cover at the first loud noise.  Boy, could I relate!  I was constantly on edge, adrenaline flooding my body at the constant sounds of sirens or any other loud sound, as of something falling.  The Saturday after the earthquake, my sister Susanna and I woke to the sound of the earthquake alarm going off again.  It was a terrifying moment, and we ran out of the house as fast as we could, Sus not even stopping long enough to put on her shoes.  Though we didn't even feel that day's earthquake (the epicenter was located many miles away), it was still hard to adjust to normal life, or even a normal heart-rate for a long time.  That night, after my sister returned to the States, I just broke down.  I was so tired and so afraid.

Alternating with the bouts of panic in those first few days were deep periods of indecision and listlessness.  I had the privilege of receiving great counsel in the days after the earthquake, and I remember one speaker saying that the common "fight or flight" responses are not the only options in the face of a disaster.  "Freeze" or numbness is also a common response.  I definitely fell into that category!  Which is not really great, since, as a leader, I was expected to make decisions, and, as a missionary, I was expected to do, do, do!  I thank God that I was able to make the most necessary decisions, which kept our team safe and their families apprised of their whereabouts.  Still, it was hard to feel like I wasn't doing enough.  This continues to be a struggle.  It's different than survivor's guilt.  It's the guilt of not being the "hero" of the situation, the first person to run into the rubble.  My next post will deal with some of this, as well.

Lincoln Logs

Over and over for weeks after the earthquake, I kept thinking about when we were kids at the learning center and learned about earthquakes.  Some moved up and down, others moved side to side.  The up and down ones were more dangerous.  I remember building little houses out of Lincoln Logs in on of the exhibits.  We built them on a table that could be turned on to simulate the movements of an earthquake, and we had to see what would make the building withstand the force.  With so many buildings that just crumbled in this earthquake, this is the image that I can't put from my mind.

Day After Reflections

Here is a write-up that my sister Susanna helped me with, the day after the earthquake, when we had just returned to my apartment, for the first time (thankfully finding it almost entirely unharmed, save for a broken vase.)

***************

I'm sure you have heard of the powerful earthquake that has affected Mexico City. Firstly, my sister and I are both safe and sound. We, nor anyone else on the Avance team were hurt by yesterday's earthquake.

When the 7.1 magnitude earthquake hit, we were thankfully with the entire Avance team in the same place for a meeting. What a blessing this was because we all knew right away that everyone was safe, rather than the entire team having to communicate to us in a frenzy their location and situation. Amazingly, as a team, we had just gone over the protocol for an earthquake and the entire city itself had a mandatory earthquake drill only a few hours before the actual earthquake took place. It's hard to believe how perfectly timed this preparation was.

We all remained in the hostel where the meeting was until today anticipating a potential aftershock and being careful for fear of opportunistic assault happening in some parts of the city. Some buildings were still collapsing last night and into today. Thankfully, there have been many minor tremors--which have released pressure--but there's been no singular, major aftershock. After the 24 hour mark of the quake, the chances of a major aftershock recede.

Though we and those we know, love and work with in the city are all well and accounted for, countless others are not. School children and grocery shoppers have been buried in rubble. Today we spent many hours in prayer and worship as well as preparing food to take to those medical and emergency workers desperately still trying to unearth those still alive. Many local folks from churches and organizations all came together in this effort. It's hard to feel the full gravity of a surreal moment like this while in relative safety.

*********

This is just scratching the surface of what it was like for us, but I thought that I would still publish it, as my sister helped me so much in writing it, and as it was originally written the very day after the earthquake. The rest of Susanna's visit was so strange, as we tried to really enjoy our time as sisters... and yet didn't really have the heart to do too many fun/touristy things. We also determined not to be any farther than one room apart, at any given time. I still shudder to think of how terrifying it would have been to have been separated during the quake, especially if it left us unable to communicate! Praise God, He protected us both physically and emotionally. We literally ran out of the building on September 19th, clinging onto one another. It was a time that certainly brought us close together, and I am grateful for the precious support that it was to have Susanna with me over those days. We were both very emotionally impacted by it, but she handled it very well and was a great support for me during her time here.

Normal Reactions in Times of Crisis

These are some common symptoms when experiencing traumatic events.  If you identify with any of these reactions and feelings, you should know that that is normal and natural.  Here you will see some suggestions for finding healing.

Symptoms:

n  Problems sleeping or resting

n  Feeling emotionally cold

n  Intense worry for others

n  Survivors guilt

n  Concentration problems

n  Loss of self-confidence

n  Vivid memories of the recent or past event

n  Need to be alone

n  Difficulty returning to a normal level of activity

n  Feeling overwhelmed

n  Nausea, dizziness

n  Headaches or chest pains

Feelings

n  Stress/nervousness

n  Vulnerability

n  Frustration

n  Powerlessness

n  Anger

n  Hopelessness

n  Sadness

n  Fear

n  Panic

n  Instability

n  Uncertainty

n  Irritability

n  Anxiety

Counsel/Suggestions

n  Talk with people when you need to

n  Share your feelings and thoughts with others

n  Seek company

n  Listen to the feelings of your friends

n  Remember that you are normal and you are having normal reactions to an abnormal event.

n  Give yourself permission to feel bad

n  Do gentle physical exercises, alternating with periods of relaxation

n  Structure your time, keep yourself busy

n  Try to have a lifestyle as close to normal as possible

n  Write during periods of insomnia

n  Do things or think about things that make you feel good.

n  Rest enough to recover your strength

n  Eat balanced and regular meals (even if you don’t feel like it).

n  Don’t make drastic decisions

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”  -- C. S. Lewis

I Can't Do This!!

There have been so many times since I started this role as interim director (just over a month ago!) that I have thought, "I can't do this!  I'm going crazy!  I'm so unprepared!".  The needs of the team, both in a regular rhythm, as well as in the midst of their personal crises; two earthquakes, plus a third earthquake alarm; days and long nights of being seriously on edge; criticisms and gracelessness; endless responsibilities and accompanying failures; I could go on.  I have had so many doubts about my ability to do this job well, and they seem to be reinforced by every failure I have or by any off-handed comment that someone makes.

What I keep coming back to, though, what I MUST keep coming back to, is that God's strength is made perfect in my weakness.  Where I can't, God can.  Perhaps this is just working in me a humility that will run to Him in prayer and dependence.  A willingness to seek the counsel of others who are older and wiser.  Though I may not come through this year as a glowing model of heroic action in leadership, I pray that I will do good to those around me, and become more conformed to the image of Christ.  If this comes to pass, then this year will have been a success!

I am including a video that a friend shared for our worship time yesterday, and it seems to really describe where my life is right now.  Hard, but good.

Then and Now

Then:  I moved into a barren apartment, with no curtains, bed, or any kind of storage for my clothes.  
Now:  In my own apartment, with all the necessary amenities,  as well as even some "unnecessary" ones.  My apartment has become a place of refreshment to me, as well as hospitality towards others.

Then:  No Internet.
Now: Still no Internet sometimes... ;-)  Much better, though!  

Then:  No phone or way to communicate with the outside world.  
Now:  Well connected with my friends and family both here and in the States.  Y'all, if you don't have it, get WhatsApp!  We can text!

Then:  Didn't even know how to get to church my first Sunday, and we ended up being 40 minutes late!
Now:  I am happily plugged into church, Sunday school, and a really great Bible study on Monday nights.

Then: Starting to get the hang of my role as Avance Program Coordinator (for more info on what that looks like, see my previous post).
Now:  Feeling much more confident in the role -- and loving it!

Then:  I was six weeks out of my latest surgery and nervous to do too much strenuous activity.
Now:  I was able to be part of a very intense choreography routine over the fall, and also enjoy jumping on my mini trampoline and doing strength training for exercise.  



Some things haven't changed:
I am happy to say that I was able to "hit the ground running" in many ways a year ago.  Because I was familiar with the city and fluent in Spanish, I was able to jump into ministry and life here much faster and with not nearly as steep of a learning curve.  I am also so blessed to have my host family, wonderful fellow staff members, and a community of Mexican friends, as well.  They helped me to avoid the "transition deficit" of missing community that so many experience when moving to a new country and leaving their former support structures behind.  

You all haven't changed, either!!  I am so blessed to have you on my team, supporting me personally and the work that I am doing here!  As I remember the love, prayers, and gifts with which you sent me off last year, I am so overwhelmed with thankfulness.  

I'm looking forward to what God has in store for the upcoming years!  :-)

What Do I Do?

For those of you who may be wondering, "What exactly does the Program Coordinator for Avance do?", I hope that this post will begin to answer that question.

-- Coaching/mentoring/discipleship/counseling.  This is probably my favorite aspect of my job.  I love pouring into the lives of the young women on the team, and helping them to grow in their personal walks with the Lord, as well as their maturity in ministry.  Some are on the field for a mere two months, and others up to two years, but, regardless of the time that they spend, I am always delighted to see the work that the Lord does in and through their lives during this time ... and it is such a privilege to be a part of that work!  Not only do I get to challenge them during their time on the mission field, but I also try to help them discern where the Lord is leading them as a next step after they leave the Avance program.  

-- Cultural Liaison with host families, churches, and ministries.  Our ministry is very personalized, in that each participant is placed with a local Mexican host family, participates in their church, and usually also serves with another Mexican-led ministry, as well.  While we believe that this is a very effective learning and ministry model, it also means a lot of work for those of us who make the connections with the families, churches and ministries!  We do a lot of communicating back and forth with our host contacts up front to set up the placements, and then also once our participants have been placed, we continue to follow up with our contacts to make sure that the relationships are going smoothly.   

-- Educational talks and practicums related to culture and ministry.  We believe that a large part of effective ministry on the field is due to ongoing training, both in terms of ministry and also an understanding of the cultural context in which one is serving.  Sometimes our ministry can be unknowingly undermined by attitudes and behaviors that we bring from our home cultures, but are not acceptable in our host culture.  Part of our job as leadership in Avance is to help to minimize any obstacles that might arise to hinder the message of the Gospel!

-- Mexican ministry involvement:  Since the majority of my workload through Avance is helping our participants to be effective in their service with Mexican ministries, I have been focusing largely on the aspects of the Avance program for the past year.  My own involvement in direct ministry among Mexicans has often been simply my participation with our partner ministries at events that they have. I have also been singing in a local worship choir comprised of young adults from many different churches.  Finally, I have begun to get more involved in my church, in attending studies and building deeper friendships.  Please pray for me that God would give me wisdom in balancing my ministry commitments and also that He would lead me to other ways that I can serve in local ministry here.

This is not an exhaustive list, and there is so much more that could be said, even under each of these headings!  Please, as you have other questions, send them my way, and I will be happy to answer them!

We Love Because He First Loved Us

Something that has been on my mind a lot this past week is the incredible love of God!  I know, this should be on my heart every day of every week!  It is true that I frequently see the love of God and His amazing grace throughout my life, but I wanted to share with you one specific aspect that I have been reflecting on.  

I have often thought of the verse: "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19) to mean, "we should love, taking the model that Jesus has given us".  However, as I have reflected on this more this week, I find that it means something more foundational.  If we are able to love God and others at all, it is because God loved us, and enabled us to love others and Himself.  

The first and greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, strength and mind, and the second is to love our neighbors as ourselves (see, for example, Luke 10:27).  So, how are we doing at that?  

Tim Keller, in a sermon that I listened to recently, shed some light on what it is to love with our heart.  He said that it is the thing to which our heart is inclined.  The place that our thoughts and affections go when we have nothing else that we need to think about (or, sometimes even when we should be thinking about something else!).  Do we love God that way?  Do we daydream about Him and how we could better show our love for Him by our service?  Are we, like the psalmist David, thinking about Him when we wake up in the night and throughout the day?  Or do other thoughts and dreams occupy our waking and sleeping?  Maybe we don't love and desire the Lord as much as we would like to think.  

How are we doing on loving others?  Do we want them to have the same joys and comforts that we do ... even if it means sacrifice on our part?  Do we love enough to release our pride and overlook an offense?  To even forgive freely?  Do we love them enough to show up on time to events?  To listen when we would rather be heard?  To be overlooked while they are exalted?  Maybe we don't love others as much as we would like to think.  

And I submit that even knowing of God's love as a model is not enough to generate this love in us.  We love because God gave us a new heart that is capable of loving.  And even so, we don't love perfectly on this side of Heaven.  But, for those of us who have been transformed by the love of God, we are beginning to show the fruits of love of even now.  When our mind is set on Christ and things above; when we efface ourselves and forgive others; when we work for the good of others with no one to witness it; then, we are beginning to see the evidence of a heart of flesh.  Then, we are beginning to love because He first loved us.