Looking back on almost
two years in Mexico, one of the biggest ministry hurdles I have faced is not believing
myself to be a legitimate missionary, or as I like to put it, my “Moses
Moments.” Last spring I was very
conflicted over whether or not God could use me in ministry and I just was
overwhelmed with my shortcomings. I even
got to the point where I was regularly saying “no” to God, sure that He must
have made some mistake. I wasn’t a
missionary. They were supposed to be
super-human, right? I presented God with
all of my pretexts:
“I make too many
mistakes in my Spanish.”
“I don’t like speaking
in front of groups.”
“What if people ask me
hard questions?”
“Some days I just feel
like a bad missionary.”
Then one day as I was
reading the Bible, God challenged those excuses with the story of His call on
Moses’ life. It’s easy to look at Moses’
excuses and blame him for his lack of faith. However, those very excuses sounded
strangely similar to my own: he was slow of speech and nervous, wondering if he
was cut out for the job and wondering if the Egyptians and the Israelites would
listen to him. However, God’s response
is what really struck me. He said that
He would be glorified and He would give Moses the words to say-- as if Moses
were merely God’s mouthpiece! And that same I AM still communicates through us
when He calls us to speak. He reminded
me that day that no slowness of speech on my part will cause Him to miss the
glory He is due. I realized that maybe
the issue stopping me was that I
might not get the glory that I wanted.
Before coming to Mexico
I didn’t have to choose; I could live a godly life and still save some glory
for myself. I wasn't really overwhelmed by anything. I was doing good Christian
things within my comfort zone. Nothing
crazy. I was in charge. I figured I was ready for a challenge of a short-term
trip to Mexico and although I knew it would be stretching I felt up to the
task.
Ironically, though, I
have learned since being here that I wasn’t really prepared for what I was
going to experience. I'm in way over my head as far as even ordinary
responsibilities are concerned; but even beyond that, God has shown me that He
hasn't called me to fulfill mere "ordinary responsibilities," but to
live a life of radical discipleship. And
it’s exciting! The beautiful thing in
all of this is that when He calls us to do the impossible—or uncomfortable—He
also equips us for it. As God said to
Moses, He is the one who “gave man his mouth.”
He knows exactly how He designed each of us and He will give us exactly
what we need in the moment to make His name great.
